Striving for Science C67 pt1

Shen Chang'an ran back to Teacher Yao's house and saw Teacher Yao holding a letter in his hand. The envelope was slightly yellowed, suggesting it had been kept for a long time.

"There's something... I wanted to tell you when you came to see me two years ago, but you were busy preparing for a competition then. I was afraid it would affect your performance, so I didn't say anything." Teacher Yao placed the letter in Shen Chang'an's hand. "This letter has been lying in my mailbox for a long time. It wasn't until three years ago when I got a new mailbox that I discovered there were two letters in the old one."

All these years, the journals and magazines he subscribed to were delivered to the security room, and he never used the mailbox. So he never thought that a girl would put these two letters in it before she died.

"This is..." Shen Chang'an looked at the delicate handwriting on the envelope. There was no postmark or stamp, only a few words: "Please forward to Shen Chang'an by Teacher Yao."

"Do you remember a girl named Lin Cui?" Teacher Yao saw Shen Chang'an staring at the envelope. "She was asked to drop out of school in the second semester of her sophomore year."

Shen Chang'an thought carefully. There seemed to be an inconspicuous girl in his class named Cui, but he didn't have any impression of her. He only remembered that she always walked with her head down, close to the wall, and even covered her face with her hands when there were many people, afraid of being seen.

But why would this girl write to him?

"Lin Cui committed suicide shortly after dropping out of school."

Shen Chang'an widened his eyes in shock. He looked up at Teacher Yao, "Why?"

Teacher Yao shook his head. "I don't know. In the letter she left me, she only thanked me for taking care of her." Teacher Yao felt a pang of regret. If he had been more concerned when Lin Cui's family came to handle her withdrawal, maybe things wouldn't have turned out this way.

Lin Cui was not even eighteen when she died, still a young girl in her prime. He didn't know what had driven this girl to such a desperate act. Three years ago, after seeing the letter, he went to Lin Cui's family to find them, but he was scolded by them.

"I understand..." Shen Chang'an put the letter in his jacket. He forced a smile at Teacher Yao. "Teacher, it's getting cold. You should take care of yourself."

"I know how to take care of myself better than you young people." Teacher Yao patted him on the shoulder. "Take good care of yourself. When I turn eighty, I'm counting on you young rascals to be healthy and come celebrate my birthday."

"Not only for your eightieth birthday, but also for your hundredth birthday, I'll make sure I'm looking sharp and handsome to attend the banquet." Shen Chang'an glanced at the time. "You should get some rest. I'll come see you again next time."

"Alright." Teacher Yao waved at him, his eyes filled with affection.

Holding the yellowed letter, Shen Chang'an went downstairs and walked towards Dao Nian who was waiting for him. "Dao Nian, let's go."

After walking a few steps, he noticed the little girl he saw in the afternoon hiding behind a tree trunk, seemingly mouthing something to him. But Shen Chang'an couldn't hear anything.

"What?" Shen Chang'an stopped and looked at the girl. "What are you saying?"

The little girl pointed at her throat, then pointed in Shen Chang'an's direction, shaking her head violently, her face full of fear.

Dao Nian slowly turned his head to look at her. Her shaking head stopped. After hesitating for a few seconds, she gritted her teeth and prepared to charge forward. But she found that her feet seemed to be rooted to the ground, unable to move an inch.

"The little girl thinks you're handsome and wants to talk to you, but she's shy." Shen Tu chuckled. "Chang'an, the little girl is still underage. Don't make any principled mistakes."

Shen Chang'an: "Shen Tu, don't imitate those greasy old men and make fun of the little girl."

Shen Tu: "..."

Greasy old man? Him?

Shen Chang'an waved to the little girl. "Goodbye. Go home and read your books."

The little girl froze. She looked at the smile on Shen Chang'an's face, her shoulders gradually slumped, and she crouched down, hugging her knees.

Seeing the little girl curled up into a ball, Shen Chang'an sighed and pushed Dao Nian towards the exit.

Shen Tu: "Aren't you going to comfort her?"

"Regardless of her intentions, as an adult male, I shouldn't do anything that could be misconstrued." Shen Chang'an helped Dao Nian into the car. "Young girls don't understand things, adults should know what they're doing."

Shen Tu placed the wheelchair in the trunk and smiled at Shen Chang'an. "That's the right way to think about it."

As they got into the car, the letter that Shen Chang'an had tucked into his coat pocket fell out.

"What's this?" Dao Nian glanced at the letter, showing no intention of picking it up for Shen Chang'an.

"This…"

The car had already started, the streetlights outside weren't bright enough, Shen Chang'an bent down to pick up the letter. "A suicide note."

A suicide note written six years ago, only reaching him now.

High school was a time of both joy and unpleasant memories for him. People in their teens are at their most carefree and reckless, thinking they're grown up and can do anything without fear. But within this age group, some people, in pursuit of their own happiness, have no qualms about hurting others.

Classmates who were close to him could just as easily turn around and bully other seemingly docile classmates. When he tried to intervene, he was always accused of betraying their friendship.

Perhaps because he had lived with older people since he was young, Shen Chang'an's thinking was more mature than his peers. He disliked the idea of ganging up on others, so throughout high school, he had decent relationships with his classmates, but couldn't become close friends with anyone.

Maybe his mature thinking clashed with his classmates' "chunibyo" phase.

Dao Nian remained silent for a moment, then said to Shen Tu, "Shen Tu, find a place to park."

Shen Tu pulled over to the side of the road, Dao Nian turned on the car's reading light and said to Shen Chang'an, "Open it and read."

"I'll go across the street and get two cups of tea." Shen Tu opened the car door and stepped out. In the quiet car, only Dao Nian and Shen Chang'an remained.

Shen Chang'an carefully opened the envelope and took out two sheets of paper that had been lying in the envelope for six years.

[Shen Chang'an, hello:

By the time you see this letter, I'll probably be gone from this world. I'm sorry I'm using this method to get this letter to you, because besides Teacher Yao, I don't know any other way for you to see it.

Maybe I shouldn't have written this letter to bother you, but there aren't many people I want to thank in my life, and not many people have brought me warmth, so please forgive my selfishness.

I sat in my room all night, feeling a little unwilling to leave this dirty world so silently, so I wanted to leave something behind.]

***

Shen Chang'an read the contents of the letter carefully, not missing a single word.

[I know I'm not pretty, and I know my clothes are ugly and old-fashioned. I see every mocking look directed at me clearly. I try to pretend I don't care, but I can't. Sometimes when I go to the bathroom and pass by the hallway, I hear some boys laughing and teasing, and I just want to jump on them and beat them up.

But I don't dare. I'm a coward by nature. I'm poor, ordinary, can't take a joke, I'm sensitive and not likeable, so I'm excluded and ridiculed. I secretly envy other girls who have pretty hair clips, expensive extracurricular books, they can get together and discuss the latest TV shows, which star is prettier, and I... have nothing.

The feeling of being mocked and ridiculed is too painful. I often think, what if I were beautiful, had a wealthy family, and had loving parents? Would my classmates stop calling me "bad luck girl" and stop giving me strange looks?]

Looking at these words, Shen Chang'an gradually recalled some memories. Back then, there were a few mischievous boys who loved to get together and talk about who the prettiest girl in class was and who the ugliest girl was. He didn't like to play with these people, and sometimes when they got too carried away, he would step in to stop them.

But unless he taped their mouths shut, these classmates wouldn't stop gossiping.

[Shen Chang'an, thank you. You stood up for me and protected my fragile pride when I was at my most vulnerable.]

Shen Chang'an remembered that in his first year of high school, some girl had accidentally dropped a sanitary pad. The mischievous boys in the class had pointed and laughed, speculating about who it belonged to. They seemed to have concluded that it was this girl named Lin Cui?

[At that moment, I was so embarrassed. Under the mocking gazes of my classmates, I wished I could jump out the window. You stood up, picked up the sanitary pad, and threw it in the trash can. I felt like someone had finally put clothes on me at my most shameful moment.

You stood on the podium and said to the rowdy students, 'Stop it, all of you. If you keep this up, don't ask to borrow my homework anymore. It doesn't really matter if you copy my homework or not, what matters is that I need to curry favor with the female students who make up half the world's population.'

Everyone joined in the teasing, asking if you had a girl you liked, completely forgetting about the sanitary napkin incident.]

In this girl's letter, Shen Chang'an had helped her a few times. He had lent her an umbrella, a pen, and even passed her a bottle of water during a physical education test. She had remembered all of it.

Such a trivial matter, Shen Chang'an had long forgotten it, but this girl remembered it so clearly. He felt a pang of regret, regretting that he hadn't helped her more back then.

[I wanted to study hard, get into the same university as you, and then stand confidently in front of you, to be your friend. But all of that is impossible now. My disgusting family, my disgusting stepfather, have shattered all my dreams.

Shen Chang’an, I’m so sad.

If people really could become vengeful spirits after they died, I wouldn't let him off the hook.

It's so hard to live, it's too painful.

I will never be able to be friends with you in this life. Goodbye.

I hope you can find a good girl, stay with her for life, and be very, very happy.]

Shen Chang’an trembled as he put the letter away. He suddenly remembered something. Seeing Shen Tu walking over with a cup of milk tea, he turned to Dao Nian and said, “Dao Nian, it’s cold outside. You and Shen Tu wait for me in the car.”

He opened the car door and ran out.

“Shen Chang’an, where are you going?” Shen Tu had just reached the car when he saw Shen Chang’an running out, pulling open the car door and looking at Dao Nian. “Sir, has Shen Chang’an already discovered that the girl is… a ghost?”

Dao Nian remained silent, his face grim.

“Should we go and see?”

“He told us to wait here for him.”

Shen Tu: "..."

So you just obediently wait here? When did the sir become so easy to talk to?

“We’ll go in five minutes.” Dao Nian said confidently. He waited, but he didn't say how long he would wait.

Shen Tu silently sat back in the driver's seat. Okay, he understood.